Friday, April 12, 2013

Will Do

This is not a carefully written post, for once. This is the written version of the life raft that has been bobbing in my head since the madness descended in earnest last December. This is the expression of the need I have to reach out today, on a crappy day - a need I have resisted thus far, in some 15 months of blogging. On a day when the rest* of my Honours cohort is graduating and celebrating, I am hiding under my bedcovers. Despite my careful screening of social media, I couldn't avoid the shenanigans completely. It doesn't help that I hate myself for taking others' joy so personally, I swear I am not usually this person. 

So today I keep telling myself what I have to believe to keep going:

I will finish my work. 

I will graduate.

I will get the mark I want, or something damn close to it. (A 93, if you're interested.)

I do not expect to win prizes, but all marks over 90 (for the combined thesis and seminar class results) are considered for the University Medal. The work is submitted for consideration to the Honours committee and read by lots of people. This has been my goal from the beginning. It is a lofty goal - although about half of the students who do Honours in this department get a first (it's a world class department), the majority of them get somewhere between 80 (the low cut off for a first) and about 85. It is a scant handful of people whose work gets to the meeting. But I have the talent, I have the help. I can do this. I HAVE to do this. 

I will do this. 

Keep me honest, friends. Please. 

(On a lighter note, come back early next week to see the blog's facelift.) 

*except for a few of us who dropped to part time. 


  1. Please don't apologize for this post -- maybe I'm too much of a voyeur, but I like occasional glimpses into friends' brains and emotional states.

    You DO have the talent. You DO. It is difficult to feel like you've failed, and it's difficult to quiet the jealousy monster, and it's difficult to focus on the work at hand. But you will. You will.

  2. To the infinity and beyond!! That's where you're going. I'm sure of it, you have it in you. It's a bit later and it's normal to feel upset, but the important thing is that you're going to do it, you're brilliant. Hang in there.

    ¡Quérote! xx

  3. Yes I agree with Lyn (I seem to say this a lot). You do not need to apologise for writing what you need to write. That's what blogs are for.

    I know you will do all those things. You do too. Just sometimes you need to see it in print.

    Yay, blog redesign. I have done one too. It's very therapeutic.

  4. You will do it... you will, you will, you will! Actually... you ARE doing it :)


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